The Phantom of the Opera vs Computers
by Kitsune Blade
Summary: There's so many things on the internet that are annoying. Bad results on quizzes or chatspeak which you can't understand, those are just a few things that which Erik encounters.
1. Phantom of the Opera vs Online Quizzes

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Phantom of the Opera and I do not own any of these quizzes either.

A/N: Warning! Erik is terribly ooc'd in this. Anyway, enjoy!

_**The Phantom of the Opera vs. Online Quizzes**_

"Finally! Wasted enough bloody time just trying to get this thing set up!" Erik sighed as he clicked on the Internet symbol. Yes, the famed Phantom of the Opera had finally decided to buy this new contraption known as a computer.

For a while he just surfed, cursing all the perverted pop-ups that happened to block his way. Eventually he came to a site known as Quizilla. He gathered after one test that this site made quizzes. He was curious to see if there were any quizzes about him or the opera (he had also come in contact with fanfiction . net which only caused his eye to twitch).

He clicked one randomly. It was titled: "What Phantom of the Opera character are you?" So he took it.

"Let's see… do you have a tail…?" Erik read aloud in confusion. He glanced through the answers and finally picked, 'Who wants to know?' No one needed to know that Erik wore tails in his spare time.

"If you were walking down the street and you happen to find someone's wallet with money in it, but no ID. What would you do?" He ended up picking, 'I would keep it. I need the money any way. Besides who would find out?' It was true he did need the money. Those lousy managers still hadn't given him the month's twenty thousand francs.

Erik read the next question and knew his choice immediately. 'White or pink or oh I don't know.' Not many people knew that the dear Phantom's favorite color was actually pink and neither would they know. It was kind of hard to be an Opera Ghost when people knew your favorite color was pink.

He picked the second answer for the next question asking what type of music he preferred. 'Oh there are so many types of music it is hard to decide. I like to sing does that count?' True, the first answer of, 'Dark Classical and of course Christine' would've done well, but he liked more than that.

"If you were an animal what would you be?" Erik read. "Why would I want to be an animal when I could be a human?" He asked out loud. So he chose, 'I would be a human.'

When it asked what his ideal job would be he chose, 'A policeman.' All he wanted was a normal life after all.

It asked him to describe himself in a few words so he chose, 'Makes your own rules, loving, mysterious, talented, obsessed.'

He pressed the submit button and waited for it to load. His eyes took up half of his face when he saw the result. Instead of getting himself he got…

…

"WHAT THE HELL? CHRISTINE?" He yelled, his voice echoing around the cave. Fuming, he read the result, which said:

'You are most like Christine, Very sweet, a little clueless, and undeceive, but sweet and besides looks makeup for what ever important attributes you are missing. I would marry rich and hope for the best.'

He quickly got off of the horrid site still utterly appalled at the fact that he got Christine. Soon he found another quiz-like site called, memegen . net. "Surely, this one will be better." He assured to himself and looked up 'Phantom of the Opera' in search. He clicked on one called, 'Which Phantom Icon are you?' With a name like that how bad could it be?

He filled in his name, age, and whether or not he was emotional. Then he clicked on the button below it and let it load. He stared at the screen angrily. First of all the icon of which was labeled 'Your Christine –hearts- Phantom icon is...' did not load, second the one labeled, 'Your Christine hearts- Raoul (AH! YUCK!) icon is...' did load and all it pretty much showed was Raoul's face, and then third the icon labeled, 'your random phantom goodness icon is...' showed that actor Gerard Butler 'unmasked' staring at the musical monkey box with the words 'Masquerade' written in the corner.

"I don't think I'll be taking any more of those icon test things." He mumbled to himself.

So he searched some more and finally clicked on one called, 'Which role will you play in Phantom?' He filled in the information (name, age, vocal range, sex) and got the result of:

Role- Piangi

How many performances- 10

Box office draw- nothing

"Deep breaths, Erik. Just remember, deep breaths." After convincing himself not to go out and find the maker of this quiz and Punjab them he surfed some more. After about an hour or so he found yet another annoying quiz site. This one going by the name of QuickKwiz. He clicked on one named, 'Phantom of the Opera love quiz" out of curiosity.

All he had to fill out was his name. These were his results.

You are in love with- Piangi

You were caught in the curtain with- 'Passarino'

You've had this many opera lovers- 90

You usually sit in box #6

The person who is secretly in love with you is- Firmin

You were caught on the roof with- Meg

With a powerful growl Erik tore the cords for the computer from the wall, picked up the awful machine, and then dropped it in the lake. "Erik, this never happened." He whispered to himself. He walked and picked up his Punjab lasso off in much need of relieving stress.

A/N: I hoped this gave you a few laughs please review. )


	2. Raoul and Christine vs Chatspeak

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Phantom of the Opera, Neopets, or any of these quizzes. If any of the usernames in this fic are the same as your own on neopets, it is purely coincidental.

A/N: I have decided to continue this fic. n.n I hope you'll like it.

_**Raoul and Christine vs. Chat-speak**_

One fine morning Raoul and Christine were in the library. Christine was on Neopets while Raoul just read the newspaper. For a while the two just sat in silence doing their own thing. Until suddenly Christine asked, "Raoul, what's an 'Omg'?"

Raoul looked at his wife quizzically. "I don't know but it sounds painful…" Raoul answered contemplating what and 'omg' could possibly be.

"Oh dear!" Christine exclaimed and quickly typed and replied to the person she was talking to, 'Oh no! Is the omg hurting you?"

The person named 3974782 replied, '3r.. wat r u tlakin abot?E?'

Christine blinked at the computer screen. _Maybe this person doesn't speak English…? _She thought. "Raoul, do you have any idea what this person is saying?"

With a sigh the man got up from his comfortable chair and peered at the screen. At first Raoul had a confused look on his face and then one of terror. "OH… MY… GOD! ALIENS!" He yelled and ran around in a circle then proceeded to hide under the desk.

"Aliens!" Christine gasped and hid under the table with Raoul.

3974782 was getting impatient and waiting for an answer, 'HELLO?#$?eraser?'

The girl left the board after eight minutes and two minutes after that there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it!" Christine chirped and went to the door.

"No! Christine, it might be the aliens!" Raoul shouted as he followed her.

When she opened the door it was not an alien, it was Erik. "Hi, I was just wondering if I could Punjab your resident fop? I promise it won't take long." Erik questioned in a door-to-door salesman fashion.

Raoul blinked than turned around, threw his arms in the air, and stormed back to the library saying, "Why couldn't it have been aliens instead?"

Erik blinked in confusion and looked at Christine for an explanation. "We just got a computer yesterday and we were pretty sure I was talking to an alien."

Erik crossed his arms. "Idiotic computers. Cause nothing but trouble."

"You have one too, Erik?" Christine asked in surprise as they both walked into the library. She couldn't exactly imagine him sitting in his lair playing Neopets (to her it was the only site on the computer).

"Had." Erik corrected.

"What happened to it?"

"Fell in the lake." He said, with a dismissive wave of his hand as he sat down in a chair close to the computer desk.

"Oh…" Christine said as she sat down in from of the computer screen and looked for another chat to enter.

"Why exactly did you think you were talking to aliens?" Erik asked as he watched what she was doing.

She entered another chat. "I'll show you."

'Hello!' she wrote. tehcooleh wrote, 'OMGERZ! Hye eeryon!9$!' Erik blinked and tried to decipher what it said but couldn't make out anything. "And this is what you've been doing all morning?"

"Pretty much. I'm still trying to figure out how you say that p-w-n word." Christine said.

"What p-w-n word?" Erik asked confused.

Christine waited a bit and then pointed at the screen which read, 'HAHAHABdhahahAHA! I tatolaly pwn u all!' His eye started twitching again, he squinted to try and make it stop. "If you squint it sort of looks like 'own'." Erik commented.

"It still doesn't really help me with the pronunciation of it." Christine sighed. "I give up with this computer!" She got up and sulkily left the room.

Erik sat down in the computer chair. He quickly typed in the site name of As much as he hated the awful site he could still get some fun out of it. "Monsieur Vicomte, surely you won't mind answering some questions for me." Erik said.

Raoul looked up from the paper and stared at Erik strangely. "Okay…" he said slowly.

Erik clicked on a quiz. "Alright. First question: What color are your eyes? A) Blue. B) Hazel C) Green. D) Blue-green. Or E) Brown."

Raoul frowned. "A." he answered.

Erik clicked on the first answer. "Second question: What color is your hair? A) Brown. B) Blonde. C) Light Brown. D) Black. Or E) Strange."

"B"

"Okay. Third question: Is you nose in the center of your face? A) No. Or B) Yes."

"B." Raoul answered.

"Fourth question: How long is your hair? A) Shoulder length. B) Short. Or C) long."

"A."

"Fifth question: Are you a guy or a girl? A)-" But Erik was cut off.

"Is that really necessary to ask?" Raoul asked annoyed.

Erik shrugged and clicked on the first answer.

"Sixth question: Is you arm length longer than your height? A) Yes. B) No. Or C) Both!"

"B."

"Hmm… the last question there's only one answer so I won't bother asking."

Erik clicked on the submit button and waited for it to load. He laughed and then said, "Well, monsieur I think I will leave you to read the result for yourself." Erik got up and went to the door.

Curiously, Raoul got up and looked at the screen. It said:

'What do you look like (with eye-poping pics, of you!)?'

And right below that was a picture of an ape and below that it said, 'You look like an ape! Ha Ha!'

He face contorted in rage. "Au revoir, monsieur." Erik said with a chuckle and left the de Chagny residence calling a farewell to Christine.


	3. Erik vs The Sims

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Phantom of the Opera or the Sims.

A/N: I would really like to get on with the story so I will just thank all that reviewed. Oh yes! And Onashii I believe I took that test too and coincidentally I got the same result. XD Now onto the next chapter.

**_Erik vs. The Sims_**

Erik walked to Nadir's through alleyways and such as to avoid contact with any fangirls. He knocked on the door prying off one particular clingy fangirl. Nadir opened the door and looked at the girl. "Need help?"

"No, I'm good." Erik answered. Nadir shrugged and turned around to go back into the house but left the door open for Erik. As he walked back into the house he heard a feminine scream and Erik mumble, "Stupid movie fangirls." Nadir through a glance over his shoulder at the now fangirl-less Erik putting his mask back on.

With a sigh Erik entered the flat and closed the door. "So far today has not been a great day! I keep running into those blasted contraptions!" Erik exclaimed with annoyance, although there was a slight smile on his lips from Raoul's quiz result.

"Care to elaborate as to what these so-called 'blasted contraptions' are?" Nadir asked.

"Computers!" Erik shouted throwing his arms in the air. "I'd like to Punjab the man who created them!"

"Speaking of computers…" Nadir just walked off into a room.

"Where is he going? I'm not done ranting." Groaned Erik then followed the daroga. When he entered the room he spotted another one of the dreaded machines that he had come to so hate. But it did not seem that he was on the Internet. "What, may I ask, are you doing?"

"I'm playing a game called The Sims." Nadir answered. For a while Erik watched him make the little pixel people live their lives, it wasn't very interesting to say the least. Nadir could tell he was boring poor Erik. "You want to try?"

Erik looked at the screen for a moment pondering whether to try or not. Eventually he said, "Sure." And settled himself in the computer chair after Nadir got up.

For a while Nadir watched bored but then left Erik to play the game alone. The rest of the day was normal and woke up the next morning to go and check on his e-mail. When he did he almost died of shock when he walked into the computer room and saw Erik sitting happily in the chair.

"I didn't here you come back in this morning!" Nadir exclaimed, as he held his heart that was steadily slowing down back to normal.

"Come back?" Erik asked, spinning around. "I didn't leave!" Nadir stared at the masked man in disbelief. "Through the course of the night I have discovered that you can kill these people! There are so many ways! Starving them, setting them on fire, drowning them! It's great!" He paused for a moment in thought. "There is also this questionable pink bed that allows these pixels to-" But he was cut off by Nadir.

"Er… yeah…" Nadir said, staring at Erik oddly. "Shouldn't you be going back to the opera house soon? I don't think it's healthy to play Sims for that long…"

"But it's the perfect game!"

"Time to go, Erik…" Nadir said approaching Erik.

"No!" Erik protested in a childish manner and kept playing.

Nadir sighed. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this but…" Nadir went to the tower and took out the disk then turned off the computer's power.

"NO!" Erik cried despairingly. He narrowed his eyes and glared at the Persian. "I could just as easily take that disk from you and turn the computer on again."

"Not if I do this." And with that Nadir dropped the disk on the floor and backed up the rolling chair over the disk, thus breaking the game.

Erik looked at the disk with large eyes, which soon became angry and somewhat teary. "You're going to hell for that!" Erik got up and left Nadir's flat without a word of goodbye and stalked back to the opera house.


	4. Erik vs Web Cam

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Phantom of the Opera or MSN

A/N: Again I would really like to get on with the story so I will just thank all that reviewed. Now onto the next chapter titled…

**_Erik vs. Web Cam_**

Erik sulked as he entered the opera house, kicking off another random fangirl. He sighed and wandered about, mourning the loss of the beloved Sims game, which Nadir had so heartlessly destroyed. As he walked about the opera house he heard in one of the rooms the familiar sound of someone typing.

He stopped dead in his tracks, letting the sound taunt him and echo in his mind. He felt his eye start to twitch once again and then he stormed into the room to find Meg Giry happily chatting online with someone. But her computer seemed different; it had a peculiar object perched on top of the monitor. When she heard him enter she turned around in her chair and chirped, "Hey, Mr. Phanotm! Whatz up, lolz?"

Erik gave the girl an odd look. "May I ask what that is?" He asked her, pointing to the thing on her computer.

"A w3b cam." She replied and turned around to talk to her friend. 'C that dude in teh bg? thta's the Fantom.' Meg typed.

'Cool lolz.' Her friend simply replied.

"What does it do?" He questioned, moving closer to the computer, not bothering to decipher the strange words on the screen.

"Iit'l sh0w ur face 0n th3 scr33n." Meg explained. "Ot csn als0 tak pics." Meg scrunched up her nose. "-asterisk-it can" She corrected herself.

"I see…" Erik replied, thinking he got the gist of what she had just said.

Meg read the words that now appeared on her screen. 'Wtf! no way!' She typed.

Erik just blinked feeling quite confused and thinking it would probably be best for him to leave but Meg quickly grabbed his hand. "Ballet rats don't touch Erik!" He growled.

"W0a… chll ot dood." Meg said with wide eyes. "I jus thout itd bee c0ol too taek pics fo u."

"No." Erik refused immediately, trying to walk off again but the young ballerina had quite the grip for such a petite lady.

"Pwese…" Meg begged.

"If you make at least some effort to try and communicate normally then fine. But only one picture." Erik finally agreed, not having the previous knowledge of a site called Nexopia.

"Alright." Meg sighed, now straining herself to speak understandably as she released the Phantom's hand. She rose from her seat so Erik could take her place after she quickly told her friend she had to go and quit the conversation.

The girl quickly set up the web cam. Meg then went by Erik putting her arm around his shoulders and bending slightly so she would be in the picture as well. "Say cheese." She said cheerily but Erik remained annoyed and unhappily looking, not that you could tell much since he was of course still wearing his mask while Meg smiled prettily. Meg clicked the mouse and their faces stayed on screen.

Erik got up from the chair and Meg sat down, going immediately to Nexopia. Erik watched curiously with a frown. Meg quickly loaded the picture on and titled it 'Me and my bf.' "May I ask what a 'bf' is, mademoiselle?" Erik questioned.

"Er…" Meg started, thinking of how she could not die. "Boyfriend." Continued meekly.

"What!" Erik yelled outraged. Many new words had come into being between now and since the book about him had been written and this one he knew. "Why would you write such a ludicrous lie?"

"Well… erm…" Meg said and then turned to him. "What are you doing in my room anyway?" She demanded, jumping up from her seat and starting to push him out of the room. "Get out you pervert!" She shouted at him before slamming the door in his bewildered face.

"I haven't the slightest idea of what just happened but it'd be wonderful if I did not run into that Giry girl again." He said to himself and as soon as he finished speaking another Giry started yelling. Curious, Erik decided to go and see what Meg's mother was yelling about.


End file.
